THE CICADAS WILL RULE THE SKIES.
Bwoo-wahhhaaa HA HA!!! Behold all ye mighty and weep!
And yes, you can eat them. If you want.
http://motleynews.net/2011/05/27/2011-year-of-the-cicadas-cicada-recipes/
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Stoked For The Cicada Onslaught.
About a month and counting....
THE CICADAS WILL RULE THE SKIES.
Bwoo-wahhhaaa HA HA!!! Behold all ye mighty and weep!
And yes, you can eat them. If you want.
http://motleynews.net/2011/05/27/2011-year-of-the-cicadas-cicada-recipes/
THE CICADAS WILL RULE THE SKIES.
Bwoo-wahhhaaa HA HA!!! Behold all ye mighty and weep!
And yes, you can eat them. If you want.
http://motleynews.net/2011/05/27/2011-year-of-the-cicadas-cicada-recipes/
A Few Links About "The Real Bedford Falls"
The New York Times likes our museum.
We OWN tripadvisor.com!
We even pimp our "wonderful life" on the official town website!
We have our own university, but it's name confuses people.
It's a pretty university, too.
The IUP Journalism department has a blog. Unlike this one, it's good.
It's a pretty cool place to live--something this prodigal son never thought he'd say.
You'd be hard put to find a better sandwich.
But we still need someone to open a decent micro-brewery.
It's pretty here--I grew up in this neighborhood.
We OWN tripadvisor.com!
We even pimp our "wonderful life" on the official town website!
We have our own university, but it's name confuses people.
It's a pretty university, too.
The IUP Journalism department has a blog. Unlike this one, it's good.
It's a pretty cool place to live--something this prodigal son never thought he'd say.
You'd be hard put to find a better sandwich.
But we still need someone to open a decent micro-brewery.
It's pretty here--I grew up in this neighborhood.
Monday, May 6, 2013
Wade Brown: Little Man With A Lead Foot
I woke up this morning and stumbled to the study for my morning's dose of dashed hopes, not even enjoying those few blurry moments of fleeting optimism when it still seems possible I'll find something positive--or even relevant--in my email or on the news. I open the computer; it's trained to go right to my the most vital pages: Weather Underground, Google News, CNN.com, Feedly, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette Sports page, and--yep--Facebook. There's always something to get the blood flowing on one of these pages, and today it was a little essay by some hubris-wreathed jerk from Utah bitching about how we should all get the hell out of his way when he's driving in the fast lane. Oh, it's pitched a little more politely--after all, the author is a tiny little man and he probably doesn't want to ruffle too many feathers, but the message is clear enough. Wade Brown wants to drive like an asshole, so get the hell out of his way.
It doesn't matter if you're going the speed limit. You may feel like you're doing the right thing by slowing a speeder down, or you may feel it's your RIGHT to drive in any lane you 'darn well please.'
You're not. It's not.
And you ARE breaking the law.
Here's how it is DESIGNED to work:
You're in what you think is just like any other lane except that it's 'fast'. One of us approaches you from behind at 74mph (and you look down to see you're going 67mph and you switch to your smug 'justified' face because the sign says 65). While rather close in proximity, the driver begs you to move over.
Oh, how you should.
But you don't.
The driver tries to be patient and now cars start lining up behind both of you. There's a quick flash of the brights, and if you look up from your phone you either move over, or your ego decides that you'll be stubborn (and in some cases actually slow down ON PURPOSE). In most cases you don't even notice the signal but you just start complaining about the guy riding your bumper.
Now there's four or five vehicles lining up behind you while you have a LOT of distance ahead of you and enough room to move over. Now the sixth vehicle back finally jets across two lanes of traffic to go around not only you and the cars behind you, but but also around the slower cars in the two lanes to your right, only to find that there's no GOOD reason for you to be IN THE WAY.
Note that he used the 'SLOW' lane to do this in.
Move over. You don't have to be stubborn.
It's not your lane. You don't have to be self-righteous.
Please be part of the solution. Don't cause traffic jams and contribute to road rage.
Please share.
A little more research showed that this post has gone kinda-sorta viral after it was quoted in The Washington Post--and possibly elsewhere, I didn't look that hard--by automotive writer John Voelcker. Other than, say, the guy who oils up Sports Illustrated swimsuit models, John Voelcker has what must be one of the greatest jobs in the world. I drive around in a rusting '98 Buick LeSabre for free! He gets paid to play in other people's Audis. I'm jealous, I admit it, but this isn't about John Voelcker.
It's about Wade Brown, another one of these stringy little shits who gets behind the wheel, turns up Adele to doubleplus loud on the mp3 player and transforms into a self-righteous, bad-ass super-bully, who just can't understand why there are other people on the highway, especially other people who are ahead of him. Poor baby. I had him in mind as I navigated to the facebook page of my friend who'd reposted his hissy fit, and I wrote a little song in his honor. It goes something like this:
Dear Wade Brown, you self-centered egotist. Thank you for explaining how roads work and avoiding most of the big words. You're clearly a kind, clever soul so sure, I'll move over, because I understand that your needs are more important than those of the rest of us, and because I don't want to see you pounding on your steering wheel like a drunken, hysterical baboon in my mirror every half second or so; but if I've got my cruise control on 69 in the 65, and I'm passing a truck that's doing 60, so you're going to wait just a god-damned second until I can safely merge.
There's no way I'm going to kick the throttle to speed up to accommodate your impatience. I'm going more than fast enough, and moving to the right means that I have to duck in behind a truck and stomp my brakes to slow down to 55 or 60 just so some self-important idiot can keep barreling through at 80 with a cellphone in one hand (at least you finally stopped wearing that stupid bluetooth earpiece everywhere) and a frou-frou latte in the other, it ain't going to happen.
First of all, maybe you should slow down before you kill us all--this isn't high school and we're not impressed that your Acura goes really, really fast. (It's still just a fancy Honda, no matter what you paid for the extra chrome). If you can't do that, then you can wait until I can slip to the right without having to slam on the brakes and dive into the slow lane.
As for the road rage, bring it on--I'm a lot bigger than you, your texting annoys me, and I don't like your haircut. So, I'm just looking for a reason, and unlike you I'm not some flippant jerk--I'm a Stage 5 asshole with some deep-seeded, barely contained anger issues who ought to have been in therapy a long time ago...so flash those lights at me one more time mister, I've got just the place to shove 'em.
It doesn't matter if you're going the speed limit. You may feel like you're doing the right thing by slowing a speeder down, or you may feel it's your RIGHT to drive in any lane you 'darn well please.'
You're not. It's not.
And you ARE breaking the law.
Here's how it is DESIGNED to work:
You're in what you think is just like any other lane except that it's 'fast'. One of us approaches you from behind at 74mph (and you look down to see you're going 67mph and you switch to your smug 'justified' face because the sign says 65). While rather close in proximity, the driver begs you to move over.
Oh, how you should.
But you don't.
The driver tries to be patient and now cars start lining up behind both of you. There's a quick flash of the brights, and if you look up from your phone you either move over, or your ego decides that you'll be stubborn (and in some cases actually slow down ON PURPOSE). In most cases you don't even notice the signal but you just start complaining about the guy riding your bumper.
Now there's four or five vehicles lining up behind you while you have a LOT of distance ahead of you and enough room to move over. Now the sixth vehicle back finally jets across two lanes of traffic to go around not only you and the cars behind you, but but also around the slower cars in the two lanes to your right, only to find that there's no GOOD reason for you to be IN THE WAY.
Note that he used the 'SLOW' lane to do this in.
Move over. You don't have to be stubborn.
It's not your lane. You don't have to be self-righteous.
Please be part of the solution. Don't cause traffic jams and contribute to road rage.
Please share.
A little more research showed that this post has gone kinda-sorta viral after it was quoted in The Washington Post--and possibly elsewhere, I didn't look that hard--by automotive writer John Voelcker. Other than, say, the guy who oils up Sports Illustrated swimsuit models, John Voelcker has what must be one of the greatest jobs in the world. I drive around in a rusting '98 Buick LeSabre for free! He gets paid to play in other people's Audis. I'm jealous, I admit it, but this isn't about John Voelcker.
It's about Wade Brown, another one of these stringy little shits who gets behind the wheel, turns up Adele to doubleplus loud on the mp3 player and transforms into a self-righteous, bad-ass super-bully, who just can't understand why there are other people on the highway, especially other people who are ahead of him. Poor baby. I had him in mind as I navigated to the facebook page of my friend who'd reposted his hissy fit, and I wrote a little song in his honor. It goes something like this:
Dear Wade Brown, you self-centered egotist. Thank you for explaining how roads work and avoiding most of the big words. You're clearly a kind, clever soul so sure, I'll move over, because I understand that your needs are more important than those of the rest of us, and because I don't want to see you pounding on your steering wheel like a drunken, hysterical baboon in my mirror every half second or so; but if I've got my cruise control on 69 in the 65, and I'm passing a truck that's doing 60, so you're going to wait just a god-damned second until I can safely merge.
There's no way I'm going to kick the throttle to speed up to accommodate your impatience. I'm going more than fast enough, and moving to the right means that I have to duck in behind a truck and stomp my brakes to slow down to 55 or 60 just so some self-important idiot can keep barreling through at 80 with a cellphone in one hand (at least you finally stopped wearing that stupid bluetooth earpiece everywhere) and a frou-frou latte in the other, it ain't going to happen.
First of all, maybe you should slow down before you kill us all--this isn't high school and we're not impressed that your Acura goes really, really fast. (It's still just a fancy Honda, no matter what you paid for the extra chrome). If you can't do that, then you can wait until I can slip to the right without having to slam on the brakes and dive into the slow lane.
As for the road rage, bring it on--I'm a lot bigger than you, your texting annoys me, and I don't like your haircut. So, I'm just looking for a reason, and unlike you I'm not some flippant jerk--I'm a Stage 5 asshole with some deep-seeded, barely contained anger issues who ought to have been in therapy a long time ago...so flash those lights at me one more time mister, I've got just the place to shove 'em.
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Anti-Anne Frank Crusader Gail Horalek Is An Asshole
What is fucking wrong with people?
In a demonstration of how abso-freaking-lutely insane, perverted, and twisted some people can be, Michigan mother Gail Horalek has vowed to drive The Diary of Anne Frank from the Fatherland--er--the local school district's reading list because it's pornographic. In case you didn't get that, she said: pornographic. Apparently, Ms. Frank mentions the word "clitoris" at one point in the story, a reference so shocking that, even though I read the book as a testosterone-addled 13-year-old, I don't remember at all.
The photo of Ms. Horalek was nabbed from Liberty Unyielding. Doesn't she look like a character from The Simpsons?
According to Ms. Horalek, the passage made her daughter uncomfortable. I can only guess what kind of screwed up, repressive, myth-obsessed freakshow of a household Ms. Horalek is running that her daughter swoons at the mere mention of the word "clitoris."
Clitoris. Clitoris. Clitoris. I can say it all day.
More precisely, I'm a little creeped out by an adult that thinks this sort of thing is pornographic. The New World English Dictionary offers this:
Pornography--n. 1. writings, pictures, films, etc. designed to stimulate sexual excitement. 2. the production of such material.
I'm pretty confident young Ms. Frank wasn't trying to turn us on or get us off. It's very, very creepy to think so. Like drive around in a van and offer kids candy creepy.
Okay, I'm being mean; but what's the big deal? You mean, the fear and genocide is okay, but the clinical anatomical references are too damned much. We do indeed live in the stupidest damned country in the world. I griped earlier today about stupid politicians. Turns out it's catching.
Here's hoping the school district has a spine and doesn't go in for Ms. Horalek's bullying and deprive all the children with normal, healthy, well-adjusted parents from reading a pretty important literary work.
In a demonstration of how abso-freaking-lutely insane, perverted, and twisted some people can be, Michigan mother Gail Horalek has vowed to drive The Diary of Anne Frank from the Fatherland--er--the local school district's reading list because it's pornographic. In case you didn't get that, she said: pornographic. Apparently, Ms. Frank mentions the word "clitoris" at one point in the story, a reference so shocking that, even though I read the book as a testosterone-addled 13-year-old, I don't remember at all.
The photo of Ms. Horalek was nabbed from Liberty Unyielding. Doesn't she look like a character from The Simpsons?
According to Ms. Horalek, the passage made her daughter uncomfortable. I can only guess what kind of screwed up, repressive, myth-obsessed freakshow of a household Ms. Horalek is running that her daughter swoons at the mere mention of the word "clitoris."
Clitoris. Clitoris. Clitoris. I can say it all day.
More precisely, I'm a little creeped out by an adult that thinks this sort of thing is pornographic. The New World English Dictionary offers this:
Pornography--n. 1. writings, pictures, films, etc. designed to stimulate sexual excitement. 2. the production of such material.
I'm pretty confident young Ms. Frank wasn't trying to turn us on or get us off. It's very, very creepy to think so. Like drive around in a van and offer kids candy creepy.
Okay, I'm being mean; but what's the big deal? You mean, the fear and genocide is okay, but the clinical anatomical references are too damned much. We do indeed live in the stupidest damned country in the world. I griped earlier today about stupid politicians. Turns out it's catching.
Here's hoping the school district has a spine and doesn't go in for Ms. Horalek's bullying and deprive all the children with normal, healthy, well-adjusted parents from reading a pretty important literary work.
Re-Post From The Old Blog #1
PULP ART BOOK, originally uploaded by neil krug. I love this picture.
This photo is a collaboration between supermodel Joni Harbeck and photographer Neil Krug for upcoming PULP BOOK (200+ images).
(Aside to Sarah: Winners never quit; quitters never win.)
Listening To: Bedlam Rovers, Frothing Green
28 Page Views The Other Day--Please Comment or Follow
I'm curious as to what kind of people read this crap I write.
Allen Clifton: Dear Republicans, I've Really Had It With Your Ignorance
I read and reposted this on my facebook page this morning--then responded in a typical, stream-of-conscienceless-ness, unedited rant, and was never-the-less so full and proud of myself that I'm reposting it here, as a blog entry no one will read. I may break my rules and up-edit this at some future time, fix the commas and fill in gaps, but the sun is shining and I have 1000 onions to plant today. Really. A thousand. So here goes.
http://www.forwardprogressives.com/republican-ignorance/
I often thought of that old quote, "if you're not a liberal when you're young, you have no heart, and if you're not conservative when you're old, you have no brain," and wondered if that would happen to me. Sure enough, age has given me little patience for the "precious" touchy-feely aspects of progressivism (were I to explain that further, I would alienate more than half of my facebook friends, so use your imagination--or be patient while I instead alienate the folks on the other side). On the other hand, the sheer stupidity of the right wing dreck the "leaders" of the Republican party would ask me to believe (I would add climate-change deniers to the gripes listed in the attached article), blows my freaking mind. So many of these buffoons play like a comedy skit...except that they're not joking around. My Republican friend Bo says I'm a Republican and just don't know it, which I sincerely believe he means as a compliment, but even if I felt the impulse to abandon my core beliefs--the "5-Es"--education, equality, equity, environment, and empathy (yeh, I made that up myself), how could I vote for jokers like Palin, who rolls around and revels in her stupidity like the proverbial pig in shit? A robot like Mitt Romney? An evil carnival barker like Rick Santorum? A shrill witchy-poo like Michelle Bachman? An out and out douchebag like Matt Ryan (yep, my wife is a teacher and I would smack this guy if I had the chance.) The list goes on--the Republican primary debates last year was a like One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest on stage, with Ron Paul as "Chief" Bromden. How about Todd Akin and his magical rape-repelling wombs? Louis Gohmert (who believes Terrorists are invading the country, sending armies of pregnant militant women who will birth their Islamist babies here and, in a few decades, destroy us from the inside out). Mike Kelly. Steve King. Steve Stockman (google this scary clown, I dare you). All that, and I'm leaving out the cynical bastards like Limbaugh, Trump, Hannity, Beck et. al. who spout that stuff out to enrich themselves, giving new meaning to the term "Crazy like (a) Fox."
http://www.forwardprogressives.com/republican-ignorance/
Dear Republicans: I’ve Had it With Your Ignorance
I often thought of that old quote, "if you're not a liberal when you're young, you have no heart, and if you're not conservative when you're old, you have no brain," and wondered if that would happen to me. Sure enough, age has given me little patience for the "precious" touchy-feely aspects of progressivism (were I to explain that further, I would alienate more than half of my facebook friends, so use your imagination--or be patient while I instead alienate the folks on the other side). On the other hand, the sheer stupidity of the right wing dreck the "leaders" of the Republican party would ask me to believe (I would add climate-change deniers to the gripes listed in the attached article), blows my freaking mind. So many of these buffoons play like a comedy skit...except that they're not joking around. My Republican friend Bo says I'm a Republican and just don't know it, which I sincerely believe he means as a compliment, but even if I felt the impulse to abandon my core beliefs--the "5-Es"--education, equality, equity, environment, and empathy (yeh, I made that up myself), how could I vote for jokers like Palin, who rolls around and revels in her stupidity like the proverbial pig in shit? A robot like Mitt Romney? An evil carnival barker like Rick Santorum? A shrill witchy-poo like Michelle Bachman? An out and out douchebag like Matt Ryan (yep, my wife is a teacher and I would smack this guy if I had the chance.) The list goes on--the Republican primary debates last year was a like One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest on stage, with Ron Paul as "Chief" Bromden. How about Todd Akin and his magical rape-repelling wombs? Louis Gohmert (who believes Terrorists are invading the country, sending armies of pregnant militant women who will birth their Islamist babies here and, in a few decades, destroy us from the inside out). Mike Kelly. Steve King. Steve Stockman (google this scary clown, I dare you). All that, and I'm leaving out the cynical bastards like Limbaugh, Trump, Hannity, Beck et. al. who spout that stuff out to enrich themselves, giving new meaning to the term "Crazy like (a) Fox."
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